I suppose this blog will be taking on another topic – at least temporarily. Tomorrow I meet with my doctor to discuss getting a hysterectomy. 

I had my first abnormal pap in February 2014 while I was pregnant with my second child. I was diagnosed with HPV, but everything was fine at my postpartum visit. In April 2016, while pregnant with my third, I had my second abnormal pap followed by a colposcopy. This time I had high grade cervical dysplasia. CIN 3 with glandular involvement for those familar with this sort of thing. Last month I had a LEEP procedure  (where my doctor removed part of my cervix) and then the phone call – my doctor wants me to come in to discuss a vaginal hysterectomy. 

I didn’t even know what questions to ask so I hung up the phone and began the three week wait until I could be seen. I was blind sided. We’re done having babies so I should be fine, right? On good days I am. Other days it just hits me. Surgery and recovery with three small kids at home? I’m scared. I’m mad. I’m exclusively breastfeeding my 4 month old who, as of now, WILL NOT take a bottle. I’m stuck in this weird limbo – knowing I have to take care of myself to take care of my children and still hating that I will have to accept help and not be there for them fully for a few weeks.

So for one more day I keep waiting – and hope tomorrow brings some sort of peace and understanding of the whirlwind the last several months have been.


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